Thinking...

I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. Partly because work has slowed down and I have finally had time, but also because I am just reflecting on how different my life is from just a year ago. I would not change the life I have now for anything. I love everything about my life, but I feel like I am in a slump (which is expected sometimes).

I am in a wedding in Joplin this weekend and it has made me go back to the week before Cade and I's wedding. What a wonderful, stressful week. I remember the feelings that I had and how excited I was. Nothing mattered at that time except for the wedding and becoming Mrs. Caton. It is weird to think back about life before marriage and the real world. The sleepovers, the baby sitting I did, working weekends, eating random things for dinner, studying, etc. All that changed for me so fast and I miss some of those aspects but as stated above I would not change a thing about my life.

My grandpa (who is a father figure in my life and I am very close to) fell on the ice a little bit ago and is going to have to have surgery to repair the damage that was done. This absolutely scares me to death. For my mother to tell me that my grandpa, my role model is not doing well shattered my heart. All I can think about is when can I see him, how often can I see him, I need to call him, etc. Why is it that when something goes wrong do we then think about what we have missed out on? I miss living at home and even going home once a month like I did before the "real world". I miss seeing my grandparents whenever I wanted. I miss that time with them. I cannot wait to see my grandparents this Sunday as we are staying the night Saturday in Garfield so we can see our families before heading back to Searcy for the week.

I have also been thinking about how much I miss teaching my group exercise classes (mainly because it was a guarenteed workout that I do not get now due to long hours and lack of motivation) and babysitting 4 wonderful kids. I miss the family that I became a part of with them. I passed them on to a very talented woman whom is a perfect fit, but I miss my place in the family and seeing the kids. I am looking forward to getting see them in a couple of weekends. My goal from here on out (keeping my fingers crossed) is to get off my lazy bum on the weekends and go spend time with people that I miss because then I wont MISS THEM!! I am tired of making excuses about missing friends and not seeing those that I love. I am DONE making those excuses and would rather spend my money on gas to go see them than to spend my money on take out food or any of the wants that I need. There is nothing that contact with those you love can replace.

I absolutely love my life and where Cade and I are. I know we will not always be in Searcy; I will not always work at the NLRAC; and that I will not always have those that I love close enough to pack up and go spend time with them. Therefore, I am going to change all of that and stop taking it for granted.

I cannot wait to see family this weekend and to see my best friend who is struggling with life right now. I also cannot wait to witness another wedding. There is something about a wedding that draws you closer to your spouse just by bringing up the emotions of that day. I cannot wait to get a big bear hug from my grandpa. I cannot wait to see my "Conway Family" a week from Saturday. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for Cade and I's future. But for now I will just be thankful for what I do have, the time I have, and the love I have from all walks of my life and live my life to the fullest and get out of this slump.